There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
