This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
