Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
