Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
