I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
