i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
