and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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