Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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