My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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