I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
