I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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