Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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