i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
