ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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