Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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