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Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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