I smell stomach acid.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
