Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
