Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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