yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
