Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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