I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
