It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
