You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
