nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
