Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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