Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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