Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
