Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
