She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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