Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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