An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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