found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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