I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
