I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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