i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you win again, gameday.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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