you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
