Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
