Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
