dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
