soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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