We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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