Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
