So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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