we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
