So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
They have beer where we have blood.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
