Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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