Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
