before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
