Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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