I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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