Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
