I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
