I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
